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If you haven’t seen the rejected pilot for “Nobody’s Watching” yet, I suggest you check it out. Being a “Scrubs” fan, it really appealed to me (it shares a creator in Bill Lawrence). It’s interesting… a reality show/sitcom… it’s innovative, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen any show quite like it before. Some excellent cameos as well. If you’re a fan of classic TV sitcoms, and current shows like “Scrubs” and “Family Guy,” check it out via YouTube:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

When I first saw that image last year, a part of me died inside. Ever since I was a pre-teen, Cookie Monster had been instructing me on the benefits of a balanced diet made entirely of chocolate chip cookies. Fuck the other fad diets, the Cookie Monster had the plan that I wanted to be a part of… and unlike Dr. Atkins, Cookie Monster is still kicking on a weekly basis. Sure, he’s made of felt, but that could just mean that he knows nutritional secrets that we, as humans, are not privy to.

It seemed as if something had happened to my beloved cookie-devouring idol when major news outlets (such as CBS News) began carrying the story of his supposed transformation. Allegedly, Monster came in contact with one Hoots the Owl, who pushed his new breed of drug on our blue friend — healthy snacks and managed to convert him.

Of course, the commercial media have their methods of spinning stories. Deciding to check out the story for myself, I did a bit of research as to what exactly happened that fateful day at 123 Sesame Street. What I discovered was shocking. The media only told half the tale. Shortly after the Owl pusher finished his rant about the so-called “benefits” of eating healthy, Cookie Monster diplomatically stated his understanding in Hoots’ opinion, but used his powers of “just saying no” to declare his undying love for the almighty cookie. Case closed. Right?

Wrong.

In researching for this post, I found this shockingly disturbing video clip via YouTube:

Since that fateful day with Hoots the Owl, Cookie Monster has apparently become addicted to these “good-for-you” fruits and vegetables. As the above video shows, his behavior has become blatantly shocking and disgusting. At first, I didn’t know how to react.

Like so much of America’s youth — I became interested. What if these “fruits” and “vegetables” were really as good as they say they are. After all, if my idol is using them — why shouldn’t I? I’ll only try it once, then I’ll be done with it.

Let me tell you, folks, fruits and vegetables are a dangerous game to play.

It started out small — one cucumber and one seemingly harmless apple. But what they don’t tell you are that apples are gateway fruits, and cucumbers are extremely addictive. Before I knew it, apples lead to bananas, which lead to raisins. I became so addicted to cucumbers that I purchased a vegetable peeler… eventually looking to celery and fresh wheatgrass to get my next green fix.

Even tonight, as I write this, I am under the influence of yogurt.

Folks, fruits and vegetables are a dangerous path to walk down. Please… be careful with them. You may think that that pear you’re holding can’t hurt you — but it’s habit forming, and it will lead to harder fruits and vegetables.

Trust me, you don’t want to end up a spinach jockey for the rest of your life. Do you?